And how we wrongfully direct it.
Isn’t it ironic that Americans, despite our endless societal advances and open access to the mass media, seem locked in a painfully backwards cycle of staying subtle and silent about the sensitive but gaudy and generous with the gossip?
We live in a world where opinions are being shoved in our faces one after the other everywhere we look and at any time of day. It’s no wonder that victims choose not to speak out about their experiences—the fear of what other people will say/think and how they will twist their story to better match their own ideas about the topic are far too terrifying. The process is gut-wrenching to say the least. First and foremost, finding the strength to explain in detail what happened to you; from there on, identifying the perpetrator and then making the first steps toward justice.
Seems simple enough, or so one would believe (ignorance truly is bliss). Cases such as these almost always become public, and modern society in America has been groomed to react in the same series of ways and in an almost flawlessly similar unveiling of events each and every time.
Where was she? What was she wearing? Why was she there? Are you sure she didn’t want it? Why is she only just now saying something?
He seems like a nice guy. He’s on the football team. He comes from a very religious family. He was probably just too drunk. He only made a mistake.
Of course, he only made a mistake, and she was the one “foolish” enough to place herself in the crossfire. I personally come across naive comments such as these all too often and it makes me question how people can genuinely wonder why victims have such trouble coming out with their experiences— many of them end up coming to the conclusion that letting the emotions bubble up inside you and cover every inch of your being must be far less painful than letting society come around and twist it all inside out, ultimately turning the blame right on to you.
It’s a proven and unfortunate phenomenon, the flipping of blame and the negative portrayal of victims. This is what causes women and girls everywhere to believe the aspect or rape culture that teaches them such irreverent so-called “necessities” that come with being a female. Don’t dress too revealing, don’t go out too late, don’t talk to a boy if you’re not planning on hooking-up, don't lead them on. People will go on and on about trivial details regarding what happened, including (but not limited to) the victim’s outfit or the setting or any previous relationship with the perpetrator, but when it comes to what really happened—the physical act that started all the fuss—you hear crickets. The crisp sound of silence, both vocally and virtually.
One example that I can’t seem to get out of the back of my mind is a story I came across only a week or two ago where a teen girl about 16-18 years old was sexually assaulted by a much older man—in many of the articles covering this story, the exact same cover photo was used. A mirror “selfie” of the girl in question sitting in a suggestive position and wearing only her undergarments. What does this photo tell the readers? A very traumatizing and serious crime had occurred and yet all eyes were turned towards this photo of the victim making her seem like lesser of a person, making it seem as if clearly it was all her fault. News media plays an enormous role in the initial spread of information and this is a responsibility they need to start taking a lot more seriously, especially regarding such sensitive topics. Having this girl’s provocative photo plastered all over articles about her being dragged into an non-consensual act completely discredit her claims in the eyes of the public and only further add to the horribly backwards cycle of misplaced blame that is such a prominent part of America’s modern rape culture.
According to a study done by the National Sexual Violence Resource center, 1 in 5 women and 1 in 71 men will be sexually assaulted at one point in their lifetime (2011). Another statistic from the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (R.A.I.N.N.) states that only 344 out of every 1,000 sexual assaults are reported to police, meaning about 2 out of 3 go unreported. To mirror this, R.A.I.N.N. also reports that out of every 1,000 rapes, 994 perpetrators will walk free.
There is something seriously wrong with this picture, and I know for a fact that I can’t be the only one seeing it.
Nonetheless, the wrongful cycle continues. Victims who have yet to come out with their experiences are exposed to the ridicule and shaming that is thrown at others like themselves which in turn makes them reluctant and afraid. Feeling forced to keep such traumatizing experiences contained in one’s own mind have proven to lead to mental disorders and even suicidal thoughts/attempts—these people, boys and girls alike, should be able to look to the world around them and find support, comfort, and genuine justice. They should not be constantly discouraged and led to question if maybe it in fact was their fault every time they see how society handles the newest related story. This issue is extremely important and concerning to me, but I’m positive that it also is to hundreds and thousands of people all over America—and the world—who are simply too afraid to say anything about it.
I hope to one day see our culture/society turn into one of love, support, and truth. We need to create an environment that makes victims feel confident in going through the process of getting proper justice for themselves and the perpetrators need to see that getting away with it is not so easy as we are currently allowing it to be. I also hope that, assuming this one day happens, we can all have had a part in making the difference.
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